"strength is nothing more than how well we hide our pain"

Moved to another blog! The people whom I read on a regular basis, and whomever else that's interested, I'll get you the link. You can ask me for it here, too, if you don't get it from me anytime soon.

Time for a change! :)

it's the perfect denial

I know, I know, I'm not doing so well in writing lately. I'm just hesitant of what to share with a couple of particular people reading.

I've started training this week for my promotion to Specialist. I'm working at another store nearby, with a lady named Nancy. She's outgoing, funny, has an eye for detail, and definite leadership qualities - and a whole lot of desire to be a Team Lead! She should be one already, she's put her 18 months+ in this position, and I think would make a great TL.

The house sold last week, after just three days or so on the market. We have approximately four months to find a place to live, and the roommates won't be coming with us. We're not sure yet how this is going to work out, but we know Chad will have to get at least one well-paying job, or we're in trouble. We absolutely cannot afford to live here, being so close to Virginia Beach and the Outer Banks.

Chad's parents have had offers on their house (it's been up for sale for a little over a month, I think, maybe two) today, to my knowledge. At least, they were supposed to. As soon as the house sells, they're packing up and moving to West Virginia, and I am NOT happy about it. If Chad wasn't in paramedic school, we'd be going with them - even with as much as I love my store. I'm going to feel so lost and alone when his family leaves.

I'm still wanting to move my blog, but I'm unsure where to, as of yet. I'm thinking I'll stay with Blogger, and already have some ideas for site names. Does anyone know of a way to import this blog to another, so I won't lose everything?

Well, this is hopelessly boring, so I'd better run for now, I've got to be up at 6 am for work. Not half as bad as next week - I work 4 am to 1230 Monday through Friday next week! Blegh!

Tagged by my darling Stephanie!

1) Who is the one person (real, fictional, doesn't matter) that you most admire, and why?
I'm not sure that I have a one particular person in mind, but any of my female married friends that are steadfast in their faith, steadfast in their determination for their education/career, and steadfast in their unwavering love for their husband/family. I aspire to be like that, with all my heart. I want to be the "Proverbs wife" - that woman who's able to get up at dawn, work to take care of her family, and never let her husband or children feel unloved or unappreciated.


2) If you could drop everything and take a free plane ticket to anywhere on Earth, where would you go?
I think I'm honestly more inclined towards beautiful, tropical places, like Turks and Cacaos, Greece, or the Bahamas, but I think if I could go anywhere right now, I'd pack up and take my hubby to Paris for an extended vacation. We both wish we could go there so badly, we love the language and culture, and it would be an ideal vacation.


3) What is your secret guilty pleasure?
Now if I told you that, it wouldn't be a secret, would it? ;) Seriously though, I love curling up with a yummy drink (strawberry daquiri or margarita if I'm feeling alcoholically inclined, but if not, a delicious A&W root beer float!), curling up on the couch in my favorite new PJ pants, and watching a good chick flick, like The Notebook, Brokedown Palace, or Wicker Park.


4) Describe the best moment of your life.
This one took me a minute to answer. There have been a lot of really wonderful moments in my life, but I think it's a toss up between two moments. The first being, my full-length solo of "I Will Always Love You" at my senior show choir finale, end of my senior year. I was terrified, as it was the first time most of my classmates had heard me sing, and my entire family was in the front row - my mother sobbing most of the way through it while videotaping her little heart out. I dedicated that song to her before the start. I can't sing it or listen to it anymore without crying.

The other "best moment" would have to be when Chad proposed. I was so in love with that boy, I couldn't see straight - still am, of course. We were sitting on the couch in my roommate and I's house, and we had been celebrating our reuniting (he had just moved back to the area two weeks prior, after visiting me the month before) with a lot of crying on my part, haha. He took my hands in his, pulled me on his lap, looked me in the eyes and said, "Amber R**** M*****, I love you with all my heart. Will you be my wife?" It was so impromptu, so sudden, and so wonderful all at once - but I actually said "maybe" originally! Of course, I told him "YES!" later!


5) As a little kid, what did you imagine yourself being when you grew up?
A Grammy-winning singer. I didn't want to be anything else until I was nineteen and had the wind knocked out of my sails after experiencing "the real world" for a year. I still have dreams and aspirations, of course, but I'm afraid I'll regret not pursuing it.



Want me to interview you? Let me know in the comments and I'll give you five questions to answer in your own blog!

And btw, my loves - I'm going to be starting up a new blog here pretty soon - there are a few people reading this that I don't wish to anymore, plus I think I'd like a new start. I'll be sure to let you all know the link, just let me know you want it!

This dude in "Intervention" is scary.

Okay, Lexington reader(s), Santa Clara reader(s), and San Francisco reader(s), could you come out of hiding, pretty please? It gets lonely here in Starlight-land!

this time, you've gone too far

I have been lacking as of late in my blogging duties, on all of my blogs. Even Myspace, my regular haunt, has been fairly empty. I wrote a ticked-off one liner earlier today, but that was it. I do apologize, things here have been very....let's just say....stressful.

I'm realizing more and more what I'm putting up with is not something I ever wanted for myself. I'm settling, in a lot of aspects of my life, and it's time I step up and do something about that. I want to be respected and treated well, and I will no longer stand for anything less.

Chaos has been reigning supreme recently. We've been doing a lot of housecleaning, Chad especially since he's not working. He spent five hours (!) cleaning the bedroom the other day (how sad is it that it TOOK five hours to clean?), and it came out spotless. Closet and everything I'm impressed. I didn't fully realize how a messy environment made me feel until tonight, when I walked in from the other room. It hit me like a brick as soon as I walked in, a sense of peace. When it's messy, I feel, at the very least, stressed.

My heart is aching lately for a friend of mine and her troubles. All I can say at this time is I feel her pain, and I think I can empathize. I've been considering her decision as well more and more lately, sadly. It breaks my heart that she's going through such a hard time.

So school's not happening this semester. I'm really angry about it - I HAD to follow the plan, or I didn't have a prayer of getting into the program fall of 2008. Now I'll have to wait until fall of 2009 at the earliest - no way! Not doing it. I'm almost 23 years old and still don't have a degree? No frickin' way. I'm not working for X.XX an hour, UNDER the poverty line, until I'm 27 years old. Not to mention that puts off having kids even longer. So I think I'll be changing my major. Photojournalism and web design are top choices right now. I know, I know. web design, and I've got a generic template on my Blogger? Well, that's what SCHOOL's for! :)

Alright, I'm done. I might do the Friday's Feast later (late, I know) but right now I'm not in the mood. Hope you're doing well, readers! (If there are any....-sniff-)....

If You Need Me, I'll Be Around

I have so much to write about, so much to get off my chest, so much to record. But I'm beat. I'm just getting through the post-holiday retail hel - I mean, season.

Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you...
- Damien Rice, 9 Crimes

Friday's Feast #2

Appetizer
What was your first job with a paycheck?

When I was sixteen. I worked at a small pizza/pasta joint in the strip mall that had just opened next door to my subdivision in our small town. I was a cook/cashier/general slave.

Soup
Did you ever lose something really important to you?

Without being cliche and saying "Chad, my freshman year of college", because honestly, you don't want to hear that story - I'll say the cross necklace my stepfather gave me at my baptism when I was thirteen. He died when I was seventeen, a few days before my high school graduation, and I wish every day I still had that necklace.

Salad
What was the best Christmas present you ever recieved?

Getting to go down and "re-meet" my future in-laws (at the time) Christmas Day, 2004. We left around 10 pm the night before, and got there around noon the 25th.

Main Course
Tell about a "favorite hang out" place for you and your friends when you were high school.

YOUTH GROUP! Haha, as silly as it sounds, our church was everyone's favorite place to be, and it still is. I'd love to go back and see everyone, and plan to when I go back for a visit.

Dessert
Name something that always brings a smile to your face.

My hubby when he's trying to sweet-talk me into something. He gets this annoyingly cute look on his face, and I can't deny him whatever he's asking for!

peas and beans, snow and frost...

I leave the place bleeding from my wounds. Like a faulty nail gun. Posing to put in a nail -- as if to accomplish something productive and practical -- he actually retracts the nail just as soon as it is shot through. Leaving bloody entrails and the sad remains of a failed attempt to make contact. I only wonder if he carries my blood with him or quickly wipes the apparatus clean.

www.truewifeconfessions.blogspot.com

when we were liars...

Friday's Feast Numero Uno

Friday's Feast #1

Appetizer

Have you ever flown in a helicopter?

No, but my hubby wants to be a flight medic and I want to be a flight nurse, so someday I will!

Soup

What color is your warmest coat or jacket?

My coat that I bought two Halloweens ago, is shimmery black with a pink fuzzy lining. I still love it and don't plan on replacing it anytime soon, even though the left pocket has a huge hole in it!

Salad

What is your favorite rainy day activity?

A nice, long nap! If I can't do that, I'd either like to find a cozy place to curl up and read, or go to my favorite bookstore, find a comfy chair, and curl up to read for hours.

Main Course

Describe your hands.

TINY! Shorter fingers, 4.5/5 ring size on my wedding finger.

Dessert

If you could eat only one nut for the rest of your life, what nut would you pick?

Hmmm....we had a pecan tree in the yard of our old house, and those were just delicious, so either those or walnuts.

-shrug-

I'm out of ideas for a subject line.

I registered for school today, for the spring semester. I'm taking ENG111 - Expository Writing, ACA111 - College Student Success (only because it's required, I'm annoyed that I have to pay for this worthless class), PSY150 - General Psychology (repeat from Indiana, but I'm not wasting time with the transfer paperwork when I didn't get an A in the class, I'll just repeat it), DRA122 - Oral Interpretation (course description: "introduces the dramatistic study of literature through performance. Emphasis is placed on analysis and performance of poetry, drama, and prose fiction". Translation: CHA-CHING.) and, sadly, MAT070 - Introductory Algebra. I'm so bad at math, it's just not my thing. That and chemistry. They were both my downfalls in high school.

This summer, I'll take my Anatomy and Physiology course, then in the fall I'll take Bio, Chem, MAT080, and any other classes left. I might take the math class during the summer too, considering that's quite the course load for me - everything I'm bad at in one semester.

I skipped Mary Kay training tonight; the weather was atrocious. I'll go next Toesday. I spent the evening with Chad at his parents' house; Dad made his famous chili, and Mom and I watched both episodes of Gilmore Girls. I love nights like these...even though Chad and I came home, and we're promptly fighting again.

Thanksgiving is Thursday, and I'm so relieved. We're spending the night at the 'rents house tomorrow night, Mom's coming to get me in the morning and we're going shopping fo groceries. That reminds me, I need to turn the ringer back on, Anna's calling me in the morning too (my Senior National Sales Director for MK).

I've had a bad day, so I'm out - but I wanted to remember what I did today.
'night all...

bringin' sexy back

After a week of hell...

Wait, scratch that, because it's been so much longer than a week.

After some time of hell, things between the two of us are on an upswing. I know better than to expect that it will stay this way forever, but I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

Things work-wise, however, are declining rapidly. I knew, I KNEW, not to trust Chad's uncle - especially now that they've been working together and we have to trust him to give us Chad's half of the money earned.

We bought my car from Chad's uncle on Sunday of last week. We agreed to pay him $800, after the $200 we had to spend on a new alternator for it. It's a nice car, and we got a steal of a deal on it. Chad gave Tip (his uncle, it's a nickname) $200 that day, and he drove it home to me. He did not get a receipt, the title, or bill of sale.

During the week, Tip withholds $300 more from Chad's earnings, ON TOP of the 400 we had already spent on the car. Chad agrees, because he's a wuss and Tip "needed it" because he bought his wife a brand-new car that week.

Then comes Wednesday.

Tip asks Chad to give him that last 300 out of Chad's last paycheck from his old job on Thursday. Chad tells him no, because it's literally all we've got to live on until God knows when. Chad tells him that he's already given him 700 bucks in ten days, and that he can't afford any more. Tip gets angry, drives him home, and goes home himself.

Chad and I know by this point that the business is basically over and done with now, and we're worried. But we try to shrug it off and head up to Chesapeake to walk around the mall and kill time.

We get home around 330, and go to the town florist to see if we can sell off any of the wedding stock we've got. Tip FINDS US THERE, and rushes us home because "his wife cancelled the insurance (Chad was on it for now bc we couldn't afford it yet), and we have to go turn in the plate by 5:00!" He's panicking and all, just generally acting like a jackass. He rips off the plate and takes off. It leaves us saying, "What just happened?" Chad goes inside, checks the caller ID, and sees his parents called. (Tip is his mother's brother). We call back, and his mom tells us that Tip has told his mother that he's going to report the car stolen.

WHAT??

So we get to them first, and file a report with the police. We're guaranteed that if he does file a report, his claim will be declared fraud. So that's good.

Chad calls Tip, no answer of course.

Chad calls Tip's wife Tonya. She, of course, has no idea what happened and says she will call Tip for us.

Basically what ends up happening, is Tip will be charged with misdemeanor Failure to Provide Title, and he has to suck it up and give it to us, or we'll be taking him to court. Plus, he owes Chad a great deal more in money. We've decided he can have $300 of it, we want the rest. If he doesn't give it to us, we'll take him to civil court and sue him for it.




Isn't family supposed to NOT screw you over?


-sigh-

In other news, Mary Kay is off the ground. I've got my Grand Opening party set for November 30th, and I need to get three more guests there - I've hopefully got three right now. Cross your fingers and say some prayers for me, because right now, any income I bring in from MK is what we have to live on, and things are getting scary. I'm going to apply for a job at Target for now, because we've got to have money coming in. Chad's getting hired at an ambulance company in VA, but it will be a couple of weeks until he starts, from what we hear.

So, there's my life right now in a nutshell, sort of. Hope this finds you all well, and hopefully doing better than me. :D

I saw this on Postsecret just now, and tears are cascading down my cheeks.

this is a war

I'm considering divorce.

I'm 22 years old, and considering divorcing my husband of sixteen months.

I can't take this anymore - the hurt, the awful words, the fights, the yelling. I can't take what he puts me through, and he doesn't need what I put him through.

Something's got to change.

I get to this amazing breaking point with God earlier today, and I get attacked when my husband gets home. This is a war - for my spirit, my husband's spirit, and the strength of our marriage. I don't know what to do.

But I can't keep going through this pain.

it ends tonight

I'm officially a Mary Kay consultant! :D

Now to get the other business started...I'm in the process of organizing inventory, creating business cards, and buying a web domain. As well, of course, as creating a business plan.

I'll explain more later, but I'm exhausted - it's been a long day!

mine immaculate dream, made breath and skin

Hmmm....what to write, what to write. Good news to start with: my new car came home yesterday. She's lovely, I'll post pictures as soon as I get 'em done.

Chad and I have decided that when we build our own house, we're going to have a darkroom for developing all the pictures we take. You should hear all the ideas we've got...put 2 artistic people together in a marriage, it's one chaotic, beautiful mess.

I've been cleaning my little heart out today. The bedroom is getting all prettified. It's been dusted, all the laundry's being done, I've picked up all the mess on the floor, straightened the tables and their contents, made the bed, installed the new flat screen computer monitor and took out the old one, and organized all these insane cords running around my desk. This room is a fire hazard.

I've been going through a bunch of my old CDs today, and it's amazing what I've missed. Good stuff, especially the random mix CDs my best friend Libby made me back in Indiana. Those bring back so many zillions of memories. Then there's the CDs that my ex-friend S made me, lots of Christian rock mixed with some Limp Bizkit and Nirvana. Haha. He had eclectic taste, just like me.

I totally skipped my first Thursday Thirteen last week, whoops!

Alright, off to go work on my sad little mess of a "blanket" I'm knitting. Oy vey. :)

asking all the devils for your face in the trees

Oh, happy day! Chad and I acquired a nearly brand-new computer for FREE last night. It's beautiful, runs wonderfully, and came with a flat-screen monitor AND printer/scanner/fax/copier. 67 GB hard drive, too. I'm ecstatic! God bless his business, we're finding all kinds of things.

So I had a piercing headache last night, decided to go to bed instead of take something for it. I woke up at 545 this morning with Chad so we could both get ready for the yard sale we're having this weekend. My headache was back, with a vengeance, so I stayed in bed. I woke up a little bit ago, and no headache, but the house is freezing cold - 57 degrees! I checked the boiler, and it's not lit. I click the button, it lights for about thirty seconds, then shuts off. I did this four times, and the stupid thing won't stay lit. So that means cold house and no hot water until we can get it figured out. We might just be out of heating oil, but I don't know. Sometimes I hate living in an old house. :(

Alright, off to download my masses of music now - I'm missing my 2000 songs off the old computer...-sob- Love to all!

silent night, holy night

I've recently acquired a large, I mean HUGE, amount of wedding supplies. Candles, arches, lighted arches, centerpieces, you name it - I've probably got it. I'm going to use some of it this summer when Chad and I have our "real" ceremony - well, that was meant to be a surprise, so....SURPRISE! - but I'm either going to sell it all, or do something I've thought about doing for ages. There are schools all across the country, particularly online, to give certifications and degrees in Event Planning. I sent for some information about it last summer and really considered it before I nailed down nursing. It wouldn't take long, and it's something I could really, really love doing. So basically what I'm saying is if there's anyone who would like to see pictures of the inventory, or would like assistance planning a wedding in the next year or so, let me know.

I'm still doing the nursing/college thing, no worries, but this is something I could do on the side still, and really throw my heart into and love if I so choose to go ahead with it. I'm not sure what I'll do yet, but the possibilities are there, and selling off everything may or may not be the best idea since wedding planning is an extremely lucrative career choice. But if anyone's interested, like i said, get ahold of me and I'll get you pictures and information. Maybe I'll start my own business now that Chad has, who knows?

In other news, the new car's new alternator is being adjusted, and the car should be ready to come home by Sunday. I'll be ready to go crazy if it doesn't. I'm getting reeeeeally tired of being in the house all the time, though I'm not complaining a bit to Chad about it.

My faither-in-law is really sick right now, any prayer would be appreciated. My in-laws are going through a really rough time, and are selling their house because of it, and just can't deal with any more trouble.

I'm heading to the doctors next week before the insurance runs out (if it hasn't already, please God) to get my eye prescription now that I'm going blind. I've put it off for months bc of the transportation issue, and now I can't see a dang thing. Also going to see a medical doctor for the insomnia/restless limb thing I've got going on. I can't sleep, and so I'm irritable and constantly tired. So hopefully those things will be taken care of immediately.

In other, OTHER news - IT'S NOVEMBER!! My favorite time of the year is increasing in joy - I absolutely adore the Thanksgiving/Christmas season. My housemates are basically refusing to let us put up a Christmas tree, but we're doing it anyway because we pay to live here too, and if they don't like it, they don't have to look at it. And no, neither is Jewish or atheist, just jerk. They're not ruining our traditions!

Alright, I'm off to...do something. I'm sure I'll post something later....and I need to get on my first Thursday Thirteen post before the weekend starts -laughs-

:)

what else can I do when all the tears have all been wasted?

So I merged my Blogger account with Google the other day, to get a Blogger Beta account. Let me just say how incredibly annoying this is. I can't post comments on non-beta Bloggers, and I'm not sure if non-Beta bloggers can comment on mine - among many other hassles. And of course, there is no "undo" function, I'm stuck with this.

Then, when I went to overhaul my site yesterday, when I went to go save my template in case I didn't find anything I liked (which I didn't of course), I went back to see my site and the colors and fonts had changed! I happened to be rather fond of my font, and now it's gone, never to be seen again. I'm sorely disappointed in this new beta business. I wouldn't recommend changing yours, fellow Bloggers, until all the "bugs" get worked out.

you're just like an angel, your skin makes me cry

Mmmm....the house smells of cherry pie. I've been baking it for Chad, and it just came out of the oven. I know, baking this late? But he was craving it, and thus, I happily obliged! As long as I get a piece, I'm happy. We need vanilla bean ice cream to put over it, though - forgot that part.

So apparently, the car we're buying from his aunt and uncle is coming home tomorrow evening. I can't tell you how happy this makes me! Although, this now means I have to get a job, ha ha. I can't be a lazy bum/SAHW anymore. I was kind of getting used to the routine of chores, napping, knitting, and blogging. :)

Chad's car will be fixed, hopefully, in the next couple of weeks. Then finally we can have two working cars again, please Lord. All I want for Christmas is two working vehicles and two steady sources of income, happily obtained. Meaning, I would like a job that I won't despise like all my others. What on earth does one do for a living while in college that doesn't involve retail crap jobs or "Would you like fries with that?"

Looks like I'll be scouring the newspaper for the next couple of weeks. Maybe I should just open up the Mary Kay business I've been wanting to do for the past couple of years. Now's a good a time as any, I suppose, especially since now I'll have the startup money.

Is anyone else absolutely LOVING this fall weather?

make it right for you, sleeping beauty

I'm better now that I've slept. Got to spend a couple minutes with the hubby this morning, him rushing around trying to find the phone and his shoes, and me barely awake, watching him with one eye open and a blanket of exhaustion. He's so much more charming in the mornings than I; at least he can be civil. I loathe mornings, and wish they would be outlawed.

The planned activities for myself today include:

• Laundry
• Dishes
• Unraveling the current knitting project and starting over, yet again
• Finding a good "how-to" crochet video online, since I'm a dunce at it
• Returning all those terribly procrastinated phone calls to some very irritated friends
• Calling around to businesses in town for the hubby and his uncle's business
• Internet-haunting -sigh-

Such an interesting day, oui? That's what I thought.

to write or not to write

I need to get this out. Here is safer than anywhere else.

Lately, the home life is in chaos.

I'm wondering more and more what is acceptable in my marriage and in my life. I know the picture of an unhealthy relationship or marriage, I've seen it my entire life. But I've never really seen a healthy marriage up close until I met my in-laws. They've got the sweetest relationship, completely and wholeheartedly devoted to one another. I wonder what on earth taught my husband and I to treat each other the way we often do now.

Technically, this is abuse. It can be so incredibly unhealthy, and it's certainly unhappy more often than not. I've sworn to myself that I will not be 22 and divorced, or 23 and divorced. I will not be divorced, period, God willing. We have to work out our issues. But it feels impossible to have a forgiving or loving heart when there's constantly battles to fight, issues to pick at, problems to scream over, wounds to re-open. Neither of us want to live like this, neither of us will bear it much longer. My marriage is in danger of completely self-destructing, and I blame it entirely on myself. I am the problem, not him. I brought this into his life, I made him the way he is now, I provoke him to do the things he does and say the things he says. I say and do them right back.

I'm fighting with everyone right now - my husband, my housemates, my best friends, my former coworkers. Everyone. There is a common thread here...me.

What is wrong with me?

you can't feel my anger, you can't feel my pain

I doubt there's even anyone still reading this, but a short update before you read this entry: Chad and I both lost our jobs this past week/ten days, and both cars are broken down. Rough times right now.

-end update-


I've taken up a hobby! My MIL and I went out to the mall and Target yesterday, and I picked up a large amount of different kinds of yarn, knitting needles, crochet needles, and how-to books. I've taken up knitting....-cue Twilight Zone theme song-

I'm becoming an old married geezer.

It's starting to be fun though, after starting and stopping and undoing 29843 needles' worth of started work, and at least twelve hours now of a frustrated attempt. I've started to get pretty decent though, and I've settled in on a deep scarlet, thick, fuzzy yarn to make a scarf from. I want to make a blanket eventually with two skeins each of a pale blue and sage green furry yarn, which are super soft and I think will turn out nicely once I get the hang of it.

Our house is great, but on the old side. It was built in the 1940s, and thus has baseboard heating. I'm not sure if any of you are familiar with this concept, but let me assure you - IT SUCKS. The heating and hot water run off of heating oil, which is expensive and tends to run out quickly in the winter. Thus, showers take at least fifteen minutes to get hot enough, and the house is always cold except at 3:00 in the afternoon. Our windows are not sealed, and our bed is beneath one window in our room. It's like the Arctic in there at night. We have two thick comforters we sleep with, and curl around each other, and we're still cold! But at least there's more excuses for snuggling closer. :)

Finally got to talk to Joey a bit today - that's always good. It's been forever since we've been able to talk on the phone. Mostly Vonage's fault though - I'm about to throw the dang thing out the frickin' window. It screws up daily, and you never know when you'll be able to dial out or check voicemail. God forbid we have a crisis and have to call 911.

Went back to church this morning, first time since May. Not much to report there. The new youth pastor and his wife are our age, and seem really sweet. He's leaving Wednesday for missions to Haiti. I pray his safety, anointing, and rapid, safe return.

I've been super moody the last several days, and have been fighting constantly with the roommates and Chad. He's gotten onto my case at least twice now about snapping at them. Good thing he's a people-pleaser so I don't end up getting us kicked out when I say stupid things. - sigh- I've got to learn to keep my mouth shut when I'm angry. I get so frustrated though, when Mike eats half of our groceries and uses three quarters of a bottle of expensive clothes detergent when we're both (technically) unemployed with no car and have to rely on those things. I just think he's totally inconsiderate, and he continues to do these things, while I continue to get angrier and angrier. Then there's the issue with Bobby having had our computer now for two months and not even taken a single look at it, after repeated inquiries and requests and begging, and him yelling at me for not doing chores that belong to Mike to begin with. He is not my father or my husband, and needs to back off.

Alright, there is an upside to all of this drama. Chad's gone into busness with his uncle, and is already starting off very well. He's likely making a great deal more than the two of us were making together, and I'm happy about that. He's been gone all day long the last week though, which has been difficult, but I have to get rid of this selfishness and remind myself that it's for our well-being, and find ways to occupy my time other than TV and limited internet. Lo and behold, the knitting. :) I may have some administrative work from the two of them, making phone calls and such for them, gathering information and all that. I don't mind a bit, keeps me further busy.

Aaaaaaaaand, I do have a car coming, and Chad's car is supposed to be going into a shop tomorrow or Tuesday to get the stupid timing belt problem fixed. So that's that. I can finally start running into the city, run errands and get lost in Starbucks and Borders again.

-yawn-

"Have You Seen This Girl?"

I know, I know. I haven't been updating here very well lately. I just have so many blogs and message boards and things to check/read/update, that it's just getting ridiculous. I will say that the best (public) place to get updated on my life is on Myspace. Links in the sidebar.

Hope everyone is doing well,

Ambrosia

Test results

100%!!

Vitals, Turning Positions, Terminology, NPO, AAAAH!

I think i'm going to start going a little batty soon. Tuesday is our first huge test in this class, on 21 CHAPTERS. Isn't that inhuman?

I should be studying, oh yes. So back to that!

<3...I promise I'll write a real update soon.



- Ambrosia