Memories rush through you like a warm flood.

Alright Nest girls, we have to buckle down and pray for Christina and Bruce like we've never prayed before. They need it, they could use it, and what are we doing, anyway? :) Better to spend our time praying for a friend than doing almost anything else, I'd say! God puts us in each other's lives to pray for and encourage one another, so let's do it!

I know it's a huge topic change, but I had a really relaxing lunch break today. I know, you're probably thinking "how cheesy!" but I did! Normally, I get an hour to run down the street, grab some lovely fattening food, and come back to lovely work and eat in the lovely Pathfinder. Sarcastic emphasis on each "lovely". I totally blew any semblance of wanting to eat healthfully today, and grabbed Taco Bell. Now, if you know me well, you know I'm completely, 100% addicted to that place. I could eat it every day, if it wouldn't kill me quickly. So I'm eating in my truck, and listening to a cd I burned last April (yes, I date my mix cds so I know how old they are, haha) with some fantastic songs on it, and reminiscing.

I started to remember how it was to live in the dorms freshman year with Libby (my best friend), Jaci (used to be a good friend and my ex roommate), and our zillions of friends. Seemed like we knew someone everywhere we went. I remember going home to Indy on weekends with Libby, and how it felt to climb off the curb and step into her Prelude. I remember sinking into the seat, the scent of the strawberry air freshener hanging from the rearview, and the music we'd play so loud we couldn't think. I remember taking the three hour+ trip from Vincennes to Indy, and making it in 80 minutes from Libs driving 130 mph. I remember her getting pulled over once, and getting out of a ticket from being in a short skirt and flirting with the officer. :)

I remember the horrible dining hall food, and everyone on campus swearing that the staff put laxatives in the food to keep us all "regular", and the dashes back to the dorms to prove it. I remember spending all of my campus money the first semester eating BK every day instead. I definitely remember gaining the freshman 15!

I remember fighting with Jaci over wanting to be on the computer (mine didn't connect to the campus internet) and wanting to stay up late and either study or watch a movie when she wanted to sleep, or vice versa. I remember Libby sleeping in our room or laying out on the floor outside our room while her roommate was...occupied so many times.

I remember wearing my yellow halter tank and my favorite baby blue pajama pants to an event at the student union one night with all the girls from our floor, and getting picked on for my mismatching - and not caring for the first time. I remember singing for one of my girlfriends in our wing, and watching the tears fall down her cheeks. I remember the first time I tried real alcohol at my friend Zach's house off campus, Capt. Morgan whiskey and Sprite...hold the majority of the Sprite - GAG! I remember nearly swearing off alcohol forever from that. I remember the Halloween party that could have cost me my life, and Libby's guilt from not being there. I remember her roommate Joanna getting so drunk one night, and banging all over the wing in the middle of the night, half screaming/half singing stupid songs and being taken to the hospital from alcohol poisoning. I remember looking at Jaci and being thankful that the two Christian good girls got paired up together and our good fortune in it. I remember throwing it all away second semester.

I remember Dave, the guy at school who wanted me to date him so badly, and me refusing to because he drank and smoked. I remember my buddy (except his name) that lived on our floor in the opposite wing, and his drawings, and how he wouldn't come around me when he was toasted because he knew I disapproved - out of respect. I remember the all-night video games in the lobby with Cameron, Adam Silver, the other Adam, and everyone else on the floor.

I remember so many incredible things from that year. It taught me so much about myself, especially how much I would eventually sacrifice from myself in the name of being liked. It taught me I could stand up to my mother and make my own choices. It taught me I could be strong and brave, and still curl up in my bed at night and cry myself to sleep. It taught me that eventually I had to give in and rely on my best friend to get through months of hell. It taught me I could date one guy after another in the search to forget how much I missed Chad, and to feel desired, and to forget my pain. It taught me I could keep my entire life hidden from everyone and anyone I wanted. It taught me I could be whoever I wanted to be, and that God loved me no matter how much I would push him away later. It taught me I was more than a beautiful face - that I had a heart and soul to keep sacred for the man I would find again, and pledge to love eternally. It taught me I deserved respect.

Some days even now, I have to remind myself that God is out there and loves me all the same, mistakes, bruises, and all. I'm still His beautiful daughter that He created to love and to share His love. I need to remember this, even now.